Spoiler Alert: Yes. Yes it did.
Before starting this presidential biography project, one of the only
pre-Revolution facts I knew about Washington was that he became famous in
the French and Indian War. What I didn’t realize is how much of
that fame was due to his own incompetence and inexperience, and how he turned a cold
war into a hot, bloody catastrophe.
It's remarkable such an
astonishing career and legacy began with such missteps. And it's a
damn shame George Washington didn't know French.
Let's take a look at the ways the Father of His Country started a
war with France when he was 22 years old.
1. He was totally unqualified for his post.
Just 20 years old and an imposing six-foot-two (which is like
7 feet with inflation), George was an experienced surveyor who wanted
nothing more than to be part of the British Army. He had no formal
education beyond elementary school, but he had friends in high
places. By schmoozing the right people, he became a major in his
local militia company, which was more like a drinking club. He had
zero military training, but he knew the woods like nobody's business.
It turns out Ohio has always been a battleground state, well
before it was a state. Back in 1753, the British and French both said they owned
it, and the Indians just wanted to be on the winning side. The royal
governor of Virginia, Robert Dinwiddie, heard the French were
encroaching on the fledgling Ohio Company (which he owned stock in),
and he needed someone to tell them to back off. The problem was the
500 miles of wintery mountains, rivers, and forests full of Indians
in between. He needed someone with the skills to make the journey who
was also respectable enough to represent the British Empire. Enter
young, unqualified Major Washington.
All the “major” had to do was find where the French were
camped and ask them to politely back off. This first mission went surprisingly well.
Washington teamed up with the Mongo Indian chief Tanacharison, known
by the British as the Half-King. Together they journeyed through
dangerous terrain to
Mordor Fort LaBoeuf, the French
camp. Washington successfully delivered his “please back off”
message from King George II to the old Frenchman Legardeur St. Pierre
who replied, “As to the summons you send me to retire, I do not
think myself obliged to obey it.”
 |
Ultimately Washington's alliance
with the Half-King was a bust. |
That's where everything went to hell. Dunwiddie wanted Washington
to lead an army of 300 to oversee the building of a fort at the forks
of the Ohio River to keep the French out. Washington insisted he
wasn't qualified and requested to be second in command instead.
Dinwiddie agreed. But then the first in command didn't show up and
Washington had to take over. What was the worst that could happen?
2. He assassinated a Canadian diplomat.
Washington's instructions were to act
on the defensive – keep the French out of the British territory,
take them prisoner if they resist, and attack if they aggress. Word
reached him that a group of French-Canadians were approaching. His
trusty ally the Half-King took Washington and about 50 men to the
Canadian camp. Standing outside the camp with no military training,
no business leading such a mission, and no knowledge of the language
the other side spoke, what would he decide?
He decided to kill the shit out of the Canadians. Washington's men
shot at least ten to death and took the rest prisoner in a bloody
15-minute battle. If he knew French, he might have understood their
cries that they were on a peaceful mission to ask the British to back
off, essentially the same purpose as Washington's earlier journey.
Among the slaughtered was the Canadian ambassador, Joseph Coulon
de Jumonville. Reports vary, but one reliable second-hand not-at-all-racist account
claims the Half-King himself tomahawked Jumonville's head, washed his
hands with his brains, and scalped him. Other accounts claim it was
British musket fire that killed the ambassador.
The fact remains that young George Washington, unprovoked,
attacked and killed a French ambassador who was on his way to deliver
a message. Biographer James Thomas Flexner referred to it as "a
clumsy entrance to the world stage."
Clumsy? A clumsy entrance
would be if Washington lost his footing mid-curtsy at his debutante
ball. The man launched a preemptive strike on some sleeping Canadians
and let the Half-King chop into their leader, and he expressed no remorse
when he found out what he had done. He insisted the Canadians'
intentions were hostile and said of his first battle, "I heard
the bullets whistle, and believe me, there is something charming in
the sound."
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| National Park Service painting of the Battle of Jumonville Glen, where young George Washington learned to love a good bullet whistle. |
It was young George's first battle and first taste of victory, though victory is a strong word considering it was a surprise
attack on a group who didn't know they were at war. All he knew of
war at this point was winning, but his haphazard actions were about
to get the undefeated Washington into a real battle for which he was
woefully unprepared.
3. He positioned his army in the worst fort ever.
The French got word of this little unprovoked massacre and felt
rather provoked about it. Washington and his crew of 300 prepared for
battle. In the worst fort ever. It was actually built as a storage shed to keep supplies from being stolen
by Washington's own men — it was never intended to withstand an oncoming French army 700-strong.
At least he'd have his trusty homicidal Indian friend and his
tribesman to assist though, right? Actually, after helping him get into
this mess in the first place, the Half-King decided he didn’t like
the looks of Washington's shoddy fort (or his odds) and he got his
Mongos out of there.
The Half-King was right about the fort. "Fort Necessity"
was too small to hold the men, it was completely exposed to attacks
from higher ground, and it was quickly filling with water as rain
poured down. These were the conditions when 600 Frenchmen and 100 of
their Indian allies came for Washington's army. To put a nice personal touch on
the battle, the French were led by Louis Coulon de Villiers,
the
dead diplomat's brother. That's what the French call being
merde
out of luck.
 |
| Model from the Fort Necessity Learning Center |
It was a long and drawn out battle not because Washington’s men
stood much of a chance, but because even sitting ducks take a while
to hit with muskets. With his gunpowder stash ruined by the rain, one
third of his men dead and the rest standing in bloody water, what did
the brilliant military leader and future father of his country do? He
broke out the rum and got his surviving men good and drunk. This actually says
a lot about why he was a popular leader.
4. He signed a confession he couldn't read.
As the battle raged on and the French's ennui set in, they offered
to accept an American surrender and agreed to let Washington’s men
go if he signed a paper. If only he knew French, he might have
realized he was signing a confession stating he assassinated
Jumonville. It ended the bloody battle, but it made him look like an
embarrassing backwoods fool in the mother country.
His attack on the Canadians led to France declaring war on
Britain, and his loss at Fort Necessity led to the Indians en masse
switching sides to support the French. A clumsy entrance to the world
stage, indeed.
Somehow, still a hero.
Assassinating an ambassador and getting
your ass handed to you by the French might look like a failure to
some, but not to Virginia. Washington was victorious for
his win in the opening ambush, and he was a hero for surviving and
bringing home (some of) his men after facing such a superior enemy.
Thus began Washington’s legend as a bulletproof
leader whose amazingly good luck must be divine.
In a nutshell, George Washington set off a chain of events that started the French and Indian War
, which hurt England’s economy so much it decided to raise the American colonies' taxes, which led to the Revolutionary War, which was followed by America’s
independent new government electing none other than George
Washington as its leader. And he did it all without ever learning French.
Well played, George. Well. Played.
Source:
Washington: The Indispensable Man by James Thomas Flexner
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